Get Goose

Think about all of the things scissors can do for you. They can cut a chicken breast into strips for a stir-fry; they can cut the bangs hanging in your eyeballs; they can cut that coupon for 40 extra rolls of toilet paper; and they can cut tags out of jeans, so that your husband never knows what size you really wear. Last weekend, scissors saved my life. My mom was here helping me get ready for my son’s baptism. She was pressing his outfit for the next day and noticed that the fabric was somewhat see-through. So, like any good mom would, she asked me if he would be wearing some sort of undergarment to hide his baby boobs and belly button. “Of course,” I responded, “I’m just going to put him in a white onesie.” Well, the next morning, I started digging through the dresser for that very onesie, and to my horror, discovered I only had onesies with long sleeves. Sure, there were plenty in there with short sleeves, but they all had “stuff” on the front. I actually considered one with the saying, “My mom is hot” scribed across the chest. Ha, the congregation would have gotten a kick out of that. Anyway, a trip to Babies “R” Us was completely out of the question, so I did the next best thing…I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off the sleeves. Two quick snips, and I instantly turned his outfit into “a little bit country, a little bit rock-and-roll.” Hail to the scissors!